Taken over, replaced

Source : Nataliedee.com

I was searching for a cartoon rabbit picture on google, and stopped at the second page. Why do all cartoon rabbits look so goofy? It's so different from real rabbits, especially Shen Nong Xi. He doesn't look that way at all. I almost thought it was an insult.

I stop liking cheeky-looking rabbits, and begin to dislike Bugs Bunny.

I woke up to the wrong song playing in my mind in the morning. The funniest thing was I didn't know what I was crying about. And people usually sit on a sofa hugging their knees when they sob, not much people cry while having a toothbrush in their mouth. I laughed silently.

I thought I was going bonkers. So I went to test out the answers to why my tears flow.

And I found out, I've made it.
S no longer pulls at my heart strings. I saw new pictures on the net many with two of them together, that's when I realised I've made it. I stared at those pictures without that urge to cry, I could repeat him name in my mind a hundred times not feeling that rip in my heart.

Then I went on to continue to find the source of my tears. It was easy.
Shen Nong Xi's pictures in my computer made my stomach sink to bottomless pit. I still miss him as much. I miss waking up in the morning rushing to brush my teeth and go take a look at what he's up to in the living room. I miss how he will warm my hands. I miss seeing him hop on the comforter exploring the room, I cannot sit there without thinking about him. How I wished he was here to see me have my lunch.

Sigh silently.

S, he's been taken over. Replaced. I've made it.
It's either our relationship that was going three years was not worth reminiscing because of his betrayal, or my bond with SNX was strong even though it's only a week. I think I've made it, finally. But why was it at the expense of my rabbit?

Instincts

I don’t know what instinct this is. But you just get that sudden pang of reality that something must be wrong.

Like how I sat at Houcaller Steakhouse for lunch last Saturday afternoon, there was something that told me he’s not there anymore. So I had to ask, minutes later indeed, I was right. Like how the girls walked into class this morning. That look on Sarah’s face, there was something amiss. When Doreen plopped her head on the table, it was confirmation. I couldn’t keep it in anymore.

I tried so hard yesterday, stop myself from staring at that empty drawer space he used to run in. Not think about it, not talk about it. Just pretended that nothing happened, I thought I did so well.

It felt weird in the morning; there was nothing to warm my cold hands when I walked out to the living room. It felt weird when I sat on the comforter placed on the floor without anything to look at. But I kept it all in; I thought I did so well.

This morning, that triggered it. It all came pouring out.

What ifs what ifs what if I keep asking myself. What if.

It's only been less than a week

Dear all, Shen Nong Xi is gone. It breaks my heart to say everything all over again.

It twists my stomach into a thousand knots. Early this morning he was rushed to me. He laid inside his cage, this time sideways flat, not moving much. I began to panic when I saw him in the plight, it was cruel. Initially I didn't bear to look at him. Then I took him out and held him in my palm, he didn't move except for stretching a little. He didn't move when I attempted to place him on the ground. He was still breathing. His heartbeat was very fast.

I began crying there and then. There is no words at all, to describe how awful I felt. It's so tough to keep all the worries inside I couldn't take it and called Edy and cried like a kid on the phone.

I was so afraid that it would stop breathing in my hands, I was so afraid that he would just go like that.

Though I don't know exactly where he is now, I know my friends are doing me a favour. No one told me straight he was gone, actions show. I had that feeling that instinct that speaks.

Pam, you have been strong and so supportive today. You won't cry in front of me because you know I follow suit. But I failed again and again unable to control my tears, you didn't cry either. We tried to make each other better not talking about it. But there are so many things I want to say, I'm afraid I would start a flood again.

My friends were kind doing all the extra work of taking care of him to save me from more heartache. Honestly, I didn't want to see Shen Nong Xi either. I don't want to see him lifeless. I want to remember him as the little happy rabbit who pissed on my laptop.

Now I know how heartbreaking it feels to hold in your hands the last bit of life. Now I know how it feels when you're helpless and can only cry. Now I know how it feels why some people reject seeing them after they've passed on.

Now I know how it feels, so so awful when you really lose someone.

Buy sliming mirrors

How can it be possible when you think that you didn't gain weight but when you look into the mirror, and then you see the photos taken of you like you had fishballs in your mouth?

I thought I had lost some when I stepped onto the weighing machine in the spa! But my pictures tells me a different story. Pam screamed at her screen when she saw her ownself. She rushed to the toilet and looked at her reflection for a long time. And after that we just sat there and whine, Shen Nong Xi didn't bother about us and continue pooping and eating his cabbage.

Oh yes our Bouncy SNX fell from a height today, the table. I was so frightened but he still hopped around after that. Deserves a scolding, but Pam still fed him apples. He's getting to daring, jumping from the drawer running all over the house.

We have to step on the weighing machine again, must must must. I don't mind gaining some weight which I will lose later. Anywhere esle but not on my face!

SNX is behaving a little weird now, he doesn't want to move around. Pam is damn worried and say something must be wrong about him. Which makes me in return worried too. I think he's just being lazy. Lying there like a little prince with his ears up.

Wuhan Zoo tomorrow!

Shen Nong Xi

This little furry thing was being sold on the night street market. Trapped and squeezed into one small cage with another rabbits, it touched our hearts.

Then, named after the beautiful stream at the Yangtze River, he became our companion. He pisses god damn often, has faceces like little tadpoles swimming in the pee. Licks pear juice off my hands. And it's just adorable.

I fell in love today

He is adorable and he has sweetness that hit the skies.

He pays me attention and looks at me whenever I talk to him. He knows how to make me happy even though he doesn’t express much. He expresses more with actions than words. He likes to come by my side and cosy up with me.

He is quiet but warm.

When he stares at me blankly I like to do funny faces to him. When I'm out I miss him so dearly, can't wait to return home to talk to him. He sits by my side and watched tv with me. He put a big smile on my face today when he fell asleep lying on my legs. I could stare at him always.

I fell in love today.

Ain't no mountain high enough

You have to climb the Wudang Mountain at least once in your life time. You will be able to see your endurance, you will see where your determination can bring you.

And when I mean climb, I meant it, climb. Not take the cable car or ask the sedan man to carry you up the steps. Take the stairs from the bottom of the mountain, and CLIMB. Step by step, and, you will see what stairs can actually do. I climbed up and up and up the never ending stairs, every step with pain and ache. When your mind wants to bring you up further, your legs fail you. When you want to start walking to warm your body, your breath fails you.

We began as a group climbing and talking. It got quieter as the stairs got steeper. Then slowly we split up. The weather was so cold, we begun with three layers and a scarf. And as we climbed, we took them off one by one. So at half way up, I was only wearing one layer. I didn't know if I was feeling warm or cold. I was sweating and the cold rain was splattering on my face. The wind was making my bones chill. Temperature was below 15 degree Celsius when climbing, and below 10 degree Celsius when we reached the top cliff.

At many many points, I wanted to give up so much. I wanted to ask the man who was sitting by the path, eating grapes, for his sedan service. But then I saw Ash in front of me. Ash was fasting and didn't have breakfast, he couldn't drink water either. I saw that he can do it, and was even in front of me, so that made me more determined. There were many many exotic flowers and insects along the way, daddy long legs spiders that were climbing the stairs too.

I finally came in fifth, second girl following Wan. Made it up 4.3km of stairs in less than 2hours, enduring the wind and rain. It was really tough and tiring but I was happy that I didn't give up half way. And even happier that I had climbed and experience what it feels to be above clouds.

What an experience!

Dear all,

Happy bobs is feeling a little lazy and tired recently. So she shall leave you the links here to click on for photos and her experience, instead of repeating it all over again here. Pictures speaks a thousand words, you know. What a cruise to Three Gorges Dam! Pineapple Helicopter

She is happy that she took some photos that she really like, and hope that everyone here will appreciate and enjoy them as much as she does. Please do not copy and save whenever you like, she would liked to be credited for her work.

She likes the weekend tours, which always have good and bad sides for her to reflect on. And she misses shopping, there is too many things here to buy. She's beginning to like this place even more and knows she's going to miss it terribly when it's time for her to leave.

Regards, Happy bobs's brain.

Shop till you drop

(Our never ending shopping trips)

I spent a total estimate of 475RMB on the first week. (About S$100) Must control. I still saw many eye-candy items I want to get my hands on. Next week next week.

We're going on the 3D2N cruise to Three Gorges Dam tomorrow! I hope it's going to be damn exciting.

Weather's getting cool, so I think it might be freezing on the cruise! And I hope there's enough space for me to stuff Capp into my bag and bring him along to see the scenery.

We love the sun and the wind put together

The weather was damn damn damn hot on Sunday, like some huge suana.

But today when we stepped out of the house at 12, it was blowing cold wind. So we headed back to get scarfs. I'm so glad that I've bought it along. The weather only got colder. 18 Degrees Celsius. The wind was stronggg. Luckily we were in the mall for most of the day.

(Sorry this photo was about 5 days ago, not today. But the bags in this shop are so lovely)

Bought a pair of flats today! And some little things for my lovely babes. There's so many things but the problem was whether they will like and use them! Please tell me if you want anything ok. Tote bags, pirated DVDs (like the ones I mentioned in my emails) I keep seeing shops that are so-me when I go in to buy things for you girls! Instead I feel like buying the shop down for myself. Go see pictures in FB, should be loaded up by tmr or the day after, and have a rough idea of what the shop is like.

Didn't meet E halfway eventually. Got the timing wrong and all mixed up. And tried starbucks here, the carrot cake look very good, shall try it some other day. We went to some steakhouse for dinner (I can't remember the name) and I tried pork chop, it's not bad.

We went groceries shopping and got sausages, pasta, and tomato puree. Tang is making dinner for all of us tomorrow night! Italiano!

We do not like hot Sundays, but loved Wuhan city tour

Photos for the weekend are up on FB! Go see!

Lessons tomorrow and the day after will only take up a few hours, after that is shopping! And I've created another page for assignment journal for these six weeks. Go check it out too! Pineapple helicopter I'm going to the Uni's track to run before dinner.

Byeeee!

The W.C.

We've got a toilet problem in the building!

Tang's apartment is the worst of all, his basin tap isn't working, his bedroom light is out, his kitchen floor is very dirty, and worst of all his toilet cannot flush!

So now, he climbs up four levels to drop his daily bomb at our toilet. And Tim comes here too. Subsequently, everyone starts to come up here. We should open a toilet booth here Pam. With a signboard which says "Bring your toilet roll. Flush everything down, do not leave your toxins behind"

We took public bus today! It was such an experience, the good and the bad, but I was really glad that I had taken the bus. People squeeze people push people eat people spit. I cringe whenever I hear the pre-spit sound those uncles make.

We take the underpass everyday to cross opposite to the night street to get awesome food. Though very oily and salty they are good. There's this egg and ham pancake which is neither oily nor salty, and it's delicious! My favourite so far, best best best.

I'm here in Wuhan!

HELLO EVERYONE! I'M HERE!

Flight was delayed, and we arrived two hours later than schedule.

I must say, when we were on the bus journey from the airport to hostel (about 1 hour) the night view of Wuhan City is wow. Because the road and cars lights here are dim, not much of street lights too, so the facade lights of shopping malls and attractions were brightening up the city with colourful lights. The most breathtaking was the reflected scenery on the lake at night. It was pretty, like diamonds sparkling on the dark waters.

Shopping malls are HUGE, like twice the size of Vivocity. And, good thing is I've found shops very good bargains, very good bargains. Everything that I saw in Sing, they have it here. I have already bought a tote bag which I fell in love at first sight when I saw it in Sing, but was selling for S$35, I got it for S$10 here!

Food here is oily and salty, they sell noodles for $2RMB and portion is twice the amount of the bar chor mee you get at your kopitiam. Macdonalds here, oh my I cannot wait to try. The Mcpork! Edy tried it and said it was gooood, and the mango pie too, and and the bluberry sundae. We missed each other at the mall yesterday night, didn't know that we were actually under the same roof. I had Ajisen ramen for dinner last night, very good. I think Angty will really like this place alot because they have very good soup base. And again, it was 1/3 the price of what they have in Sing.

Pam is always very fast is uploading pictures, reminds me very much of Angty. So, click here to see all the photos and also read on how we are doing here! I will still update, but depending on my load of other work (includes housework, eating, and of course, shopping)

Les amis dure pour toujours

You know how this whole thing puzzles me? I have no idea where is the situation heading to, and know that I shouldn't care less because I'm making my way to the exit.

But part of me wants to keep it, not wishing that it will want to keep me as well, but just to have that lesson with me. Until now, I can't figure out what have I actually learnt. When I came across this, I felt it related to me somehow.

Never kiss a friend. If you have deeper feelings, never reveal them. You will lose that friend forever.

S is just another regret. It's a pity that we've started out as friends, became best friends, went into something deeper. And now we've end up with nothing. It was a big mistake to even get started three years ago, we should have just stayed the way we were. It was that feeling of guilt and people's opinion that got to this today.

I've made the last phone call almost two months ago, I've wrote and sent the last letter almost two months ago. I've done enough to make the first move to be friends but there's was no return. It seems like S preferred for it to be this way, I see no reason why I should force it upon ourselves either.

I'm happy the way I am now, but it would've been better if we're still on good terms, not the oh-my-god-should-I-say-hi-if-I-see-him, or will-he-run-off-if-he-sees-me kind of situation. It bothers me.